Turned to dust: The Prisoner
by Arien Lestrange
Summary: Sirius' 12 years at Azkaban...I can see Godric Hollow, only when I see it, it ain’t the merry place it used to be. It’s all destroyed as your lives, yours and Lil’s.


Hello!!!

This song caught my attention and I thought it was perfect for Sirius, I hope you like it and if you do, please review.

It starts the day of the 'trial' and ends the day Sirius escapes.

Disclaimer: "My own prison" belongs to Creed and HP belongs to JK Rowling. (as if u didn't know that by now)

**"My Own Prison"**  
  


I am waiting for their answer. I cannot think of anything else anymore. James' dead... Lili's dead, Harry's gone... Moony hates me and Wormtail is somewhere out there. Dumbledore is giving the proofs that I am guilty, damned if I am. I know I am so I am damned.

  
A court is in session, a verdict is in  
No appeal on the docket today  
Just my own sin

"Guilty" over and over again inside my brain. No trial––nothing. They didn't let me go to their funeral, said it had no sense. _Do I still have a brain? There's nothing left to do, everything I've been living for is gone. No hope left, nothing around myself._

I try to keep myself calm, I try to keep my mind focus on things but hell, they are coming closer... no, I am getting closer to them.

It's a huge, pale, old, cold castle situated on an island. Lucky me, I am on my way to Azkaban. Fuck! Something's tearing inside. Don't! Please don't!

I'm starting to tremble. Oh Sirius, it took you so long! It took me so long to realize where I was going and why. _Why. Azkaban... dementors. James, oh James!_

Oh please forgive me James! I arrived to the island, the boat's gone. They are hitting me––on my ribs and my face. Hit me till I die and I'll thank. They didn't hit me enough to die... just enough to break and bleed. Last I remember, I lost my mind... it all got so dark!

  
The walls are cold and pale  
The cage made of steel  
Screams fill the room

Shit! Inside a cell... sweet suicide. Oh sweet Merlin! What about those screams? I won't let them get into my mind! Into my soul! I won't! Oh sweet Lord!

I'm starving here, can't they see? Oh God! Not again! Oh James I am so sorry! I should have been there brother, by your side. There is nothing left brother, you are gone... you are dead and when you died I did too. I thought we could win this war Prongs, I could feel it but I was wrong! So wrong! I'm not trembling anymore, I'm shaking, shaking to death. My pulse gets higher and higher, faster and faster.  
  


Alone I drop and kneel  
Silence now the sound  
My breath the only motion around  
Demons cluttering around

I'm on my knees James, waiting for the day you'll forgive me Prongs. The scene plays aver and aver again in my head. "_Guilty" my own blood everywhere. Oh James I was so wrong! And right now I'm so scared!_

I can see Godric Hollow, only when I see it, it ain't the merry place it used to be. It's all destroyed as your lives, yours and Lil's. I can hear so much screaming! I know it's only Harry but it still chills my soul.

Time flows, so they say, it seems years, it's been only weeks. I'm trying to keep myself, trying to keep my mind and my thoughts. I am innocent, I made mistakes but I am innocent.

  
My face showing no emotion  
Shackled by my sentence  
Expecting no return  
Here there is no penance  
My skin begins to burn  
  


What in the name of God is going on? They put a dementor just in front of my cell. I can feel myself falling... my skin burns, my head flies. I am innocent! I gotta live! I gotta get outta here!

  
So I held my head up high  
Hiding hate that burns inside  
Which only fuels their selfish pride

I know I am innocent... many years have passed since the death of James and Lil's, I still can feel the freaking dementors playing with my brain. I am innocent, stick to that thought! You have to do what you do Sirius, again, thank God they cannot see!

As animagus I don't feel them that much, bless Moony and James. Moony, where are you? I need you now you know? I need your comforting words and––oh!! No happy thoughts! You gotta get out! Harry needs you! Harry needs you! Be a godfather! 

They didn't even do a decent trial, they said Pettigrew died which I know is false, stupid Crouch!

  
We're all held captive  
Out from the sun  
A sun that shines on only some  
We the meek are all in one  
  


Don't think! Don't think! Don't think! Oh God! Why all the muttering? Why all the yelling? Why? Why? Why? I am going insane!

Oh Harry! Poor you, what have we done to you? If I could I'd take all the pain of you being an orphan but unfortunately I cannot. My eyes are starting to get wet again, I'm starting to cry and shake. 

I wish I was outside, I wish I could be a free man and smile once again, sometimes I dream about James and Lili and they are laughing and dancing! Just like they did in their wedding...

Maybe they went to heaven and are watching over Harry but somehow they forgot about me. I know, I couldn't deserve anything else.

  
I hear a thunder in the distance  
See a vision of a cross  
I feel the pain that was given  
On that sad day of loss

I hate when dementors get too close to me, it feels I cannot breathe, like swords all over my body and crystal in my skin. They are taking my soul! I won't let them but I... I am not strong enough, I know one day I'll give up and let myself drown in the pain of the loss of everything I had lived for.

They are too close! Please make them go away! Oh Lili I am so sorry! James, forgive me! I never meant to cause all that! I solemnly swear I didn't! Oh Harry! I'm falling... I'm falling again...

  
A lion roars in the darkness  
Only he holds the key  
A light to free me from my burden  
And grant me life eternally  
  


Tonight or today... I don't know, it's too dark to notice, I had a dream, I dreamed that I'll be going back into the world! I dreamed that I had Pettigrew in my hands and I could really kill him and then I saw Harry, he must be old by now, maybe starting Hogwarts. Time flew quick. I saw Harry and he was covered with a warmth gleam and he was reaching out his hand to me. Maybe is not too late. I know I'm weak, old and thin, but maybe there's still something left for me. Hold on that thought Sirius, is not happy, is just a thought, hold on Sirius, that's your only hope.

  
I cry out to God  
Seeking only his decision  
Gabriel stands and confirms  
I've created my own prison  
  


It is time, I can feel it, Pettigrew is near him, I saw it, he's at Hogwarts, they both are. He's in danger, Harry's in danger. I must stop it! He's gotta live! He's gotta live! I must go to Harry! I must save him! I must warn him! Pettigrew is so near! I gotta get out. 

My thoughts've been carefully locked inside my brain so dementors won't be able to... to suck 'em. They can't take my thoughts away from me! They are locked! Locked inside a cell just like this but inside my head! They won't touch me! They won't! I'll get out, James, I'll save Harry. I promised James, I promised you I was going to take care of him and I failed you once again, Prongs, oh I am so sorry James! I know I am unworthy!

  
Should've been dead on a Sunday morning  
banging my head  
No time for mourning  
Ain't got no time

I can't believe it, I really escaped. My brain is trying to figure out some things, a lot of memories were forgotten... erased... sucked. But now I can breathe and I am free. Gotta get some food, gotta hurry up!

Oh James and Lils, I'll stick to my promise, I'll find Moony and I'll try to talk to him I'll try to get Pettigrew, I'll try to talk to Harry, I'll fix every mistake I made in the past, I'll try to make everything be alright James, I promise.

I know I have your blessing now, maybe I ain't that unworthy after all, right? Oh James, I'm wishing you were here, friend. The dawn looks just wonderful Prongs, just like the day that we met.

I hope you liked it, I'm mexican so I am sorry if I made any mistakes. Feel free to correct me, ok? And don't forget to review! And if I see many reviews here I might write something about Remus! And then maybe James and even Rat!Pettigrew...


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